i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
