he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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