For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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