why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
