Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
