so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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