I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
