Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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