I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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