Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
