I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
