Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You ate ashes out of my bong
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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