Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
