Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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