Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
