he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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