I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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