if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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