please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
do nipples grow back?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
