You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
