ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
