can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
