I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
