My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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