that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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