Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
