Where is the hickey?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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