I can tuck mytits in my pants
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
