just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
