i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
