Well douche your snatch and let's go!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
