You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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