To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
