I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
