Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
