What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
