Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
