He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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