there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize