hotel room ftw
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
