In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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