the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
