There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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