I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
