If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
