There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
