ugly people sure do ruin things
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
