dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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