The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
