I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
