so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We left the knife in your bed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
