Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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