the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
