this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
