dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
