Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
