He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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