He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
