Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
