This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
