My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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