I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
