Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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