batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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