Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
