my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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