How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
