dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
