I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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