mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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