Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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